So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
