He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
