I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Randomize
