Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
