in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
