I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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