omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
