Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I still have a little drunk in my system
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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