Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
ugly people sure do ruin things
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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