So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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