She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
