just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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