FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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