My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
