and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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