my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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