just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
PANTIES FOUND
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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