So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
