Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
