I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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