i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
