sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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