have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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