Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
