I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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