yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
