Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
