Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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