the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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