I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
