I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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