i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
