Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
