you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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