Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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