You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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