His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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