I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
