You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
