why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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