real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
