If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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