So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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