I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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