mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize