if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
