Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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