hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
