How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am available for nakedness
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
