New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
