He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
