I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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