Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just pynch a tree in the face
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i out mim tonsoeep
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