I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize