We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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