I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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