I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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