you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
