Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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