No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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