sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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