I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize