girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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