Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
