I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
