I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
