there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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