Cold hands, warm shart.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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