I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
