Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
