man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
