i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
