So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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